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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Red Wine Lipstick

I’ve taken to drinking red wine from my Simpson’s glasses. They’re wide enough to let the wine breathe, sturdy enough to withstand any drunken smishes against walls and furniture, but most importantly they make me smile with their cartoon faces so any potential alcohol induced depressions are quickly assuaged with every sip (skull).

The fact that all my wine glasses are dirty and neither party in the house is willing or motivated enough to do the dishes is irrelevant. Simpsons cups are my choice of chalice...

Other fantastic things this week to make my red wine stained lips crack a smile...

Blog followers:
I commented on a worthy post and invited the writer to check out my blog. Three truly wonderous beings have subsequently commented on my blog, two have started to 'follow’ it and I now have a chance to make my mark on the ‘blogosphere’ in the company of talented souls and like minded intellects.

Sneezing Baby Panda:
Best you-tube clip ever. Laughed so much I cried. Showed the boy and we both laughed until we had pains in our tummies. We then watched it again, and again watched it the next day. My new high...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAcdvmnZ_GM
Just watched it again then to get the link... and woke the boyfriend from his snores with my donkey like fits of noise.

Better blogs:
I crush on the term “I crush on”. I discovered this terminology during my six hour long click fest through the sites of my new found cyber friends. I now crush on many bloggers, too many to keep up with on my reading list.... Clearly my dearest nemesis 'blog soapie star' has a lot to learn... alas, she is too busy living her awesome life to learn it. Only a matter of time before I take the title... *insert evil laugh here*

New fish:
The boyfriend and I bought new fish on Sunday, pretty ones that distract me from my writing. lucky I’m ang awesone typidt and can type while lookinf e;sewhere. In fact I 'n tupinf this wholw parafrafh gaxing into my fisj tak insteas of at my finder sor the screen. I love my fisj xp

SPOILER ALERT: Hate to excite you all or spoil a surprise, but the Best Ever Chicken Pie recipe will be posted within next week due to popular demand :)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I'm not jealous, what a shock.

My nemesis has moved countries again. She got the first job she applied for, then spent a few days exploring the city with her foreign boyfriend. They ate at fancy restaurants, saw all the main tourist attractions, rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous and had picnics in famous parks. They got to know their new neighbourhood and found a great street stall market right down the road. Apparently they also fell in love all over again.

I'm happy for her. Really, I am. I've put away my green contact lenses, because my last few days have also been fantastic...

I put in a great few days of work and although there is no one to give me any recognition, I left each day feeling quite proud of myself.

I cooked my first ever Chicken Pie, and the boyfriend declared it was the Best Chicken Pie Ever. He even let his mate have a taste as he arrived at the end of the meal, and the vote was unanimous. I must admit, it was a tasty pie.

But my definite highlight was my weekly solitary early morning walk through the paddocks to the creek with my camera. It was the second frost for the year. I didn't put on a coat and was freezing by the time I got to the gate, but the morning air was so clear and crisp and the birds were extra chirpy, so it was worth the icy fingers and nose.

I climbed through the fence with one electric wire and felt a rush of panic when I brushed it with my leg. No shock. It was turned off. What a beautiful morning.

I spent an hour at the creek, wandering up and down the banks, exploring fallen trees and taking the best shots I could to add to my collection of 300+ creek, tree and paddock photos that sit idle on my hard drive. By the time my camera ran out of batteries my pants and socks were covered in bindies and prickles and the my boots were filled with icy water. My footsteps had become audible sloshes. Damp feet, but still no damp spirits. Time to head home...

I felt no fear tackling the fence with the electric wire again. But as I stepped through....
the world shifted on its axis. I heard myself make the most bizarre noise, half way between a cows moo and a cat in a fight. The inside of my left thigh caught on fire. I felt my blood coursing through every individual artery, vein and capillary in my body. None of these things caused me any pain.

I stood still for what seemed like an eternity. My heart was still racing as I comprehended what had just happened. Every sense in my body was on high alert and every movement and thought was brilliantly exaggerated.

The buzz lasted all morning. So far every one I have told has stared at me as if I was in mild psychosis... and maybe I was. Maybe I still am... but what a rush!

I wonder how I'll feel when its time to cross the fence again next week. Or maybe I'll get the motivation to get out of bed at a ridiculous hour during the week, in search of the high again. Better than any other high I reckon... I've never heard of an "Electric Shock-aholic's Anonymous".

FYI... my blog has been read. I got up the courage to show the boyfriend and to my surprise he said it was okay. Best week ever.

Monday, June 7, 2010

So this blog thing is harder than I thought...

Okay. I was wondering what would be worse out of 'the embarrassment of people reading my blog' or 'having nothing interesting enough to get readers'. Right now, as far as I know, I have no readers, so its hard to tell....

Spent the last two days browsing other peoples blogs and trying to find out how to make people read mine. Still have no answers, and still have no readers. But I did find out a few things:

1. BABIES, BABIES and more BABIES.
If I see one more blog about a baby I will vomit. Not saying those blogs aren't good blogs, if you're a family member or if you're having a baby or if you're just into that kind of voyeurism. But I'm not.
The more of them I saw, the more jealous I got and the more I wanted to have my own babies so I would have something to write about.
I'm fairly sure the family, the boyfriend, the boyfriends family and the potential baby wouldn't appreciate 'blog fodder' as an acceptable reason to deliberately procreate.

2. WEIRD GADGETS
You can add things to your blog page to make them more interesting.
I have added a fishy thing to my page, kind of lame, but its fish, and this is the fish cave, so its there. Please tell me if there are better ones to add.

3. AWESOME BLOGS
Some people have great blogs, even better than my nemesis the 'blog-soapie-star'. These people have hundreds of followers, and they deserve them. I will list them here, once I find a way to direct traffic to my page by listing them. If you are reading this and you know how, please tell me.

4. HIT COUNTER
I've also heard of the 'hit counter', though I can't find it to add it. At least if I had a hit counter I could tell if no-one ever came to the site, or even worse, if people were reading and choosing to stay as far away as cyberspacely possible....

In the meantime, could the beings that control Cyberspace please send some readers my way... they don't have to stay, but it would be nice to get a comment, just to know my writing is not lost in the etherworld forever and ever.....

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Hello Cyberspace!

I've finally done it. Spent an hour setting up a blog with no idea of what I'm going to write or how to write it. And I'm terrified at the two possible outcomes: rejection if no one reads it or embarrassment if people do.

So why am I blogging?
Competitiveness of course!


I follow the blog of an old acquaintance, and I have become addicted to it like a soap opera. I live vicariously through her wild parties, romantic liaisons and exotic career choices. I cry when her endeavours fail, pine when she's homesick and get angry when someone ticks her off.
I log on daily and get a buzz of excitement when I find a new post, or curse her name if she's been away from the keyboard too long. It helps to think of it as a soapie, because I'm horribly jealous and kicking myself for not living that life as well. She is on the opposite side of the world, and her life seems to be the complete opposite of mine.

Making an interesting blog must be so easy for her! She's travelling to the corners of the globe, meeting amazing people and doing her bit to make the world a better place... When you compare my life to that, what chance do I have of writing anything entertaining?
The odds appear to be stacked high against me, but I'm ready for the challenge. I'm working on the philosophy "if you can't join 'em, beat 'em". I can't pack up my life and travel, but I can do this writing thing, and

I will topple her from the heights of blog soapie stardom!

So, Cyberspace, or Dear Reader, if you have stumbled upon this page by accident, please make me feel welcome. Give me hints and tips, ask me questions about anything, or tell me to read your blog and we'll put up with each others boring lives just to say we each have a reader....

.......and may my computer be struck with an irreparable virus if my posts are truly awful.