Thursday Themes: Tools of the trade

Okay, so I had a week to think about the Tools of my Trade, but I had no idea what to post about!
Work is work, and while I thought of a few work related "tools" I could post about, at the end of the day my work just doesn't inspire my creativity.

So I looked at home stuff, but that was just confusing.

I'm a "jack of all trades, master of none".
 I do what ever I need to do to make my home happy for me each day. 
I take photos, I blog, I play x-box, I garden (every now and then, until the plants die), I cook....

The most common of these is cooking, so that is what I will post. Sometimes I cook with inspiration and passion, sometimes I cook out of necessity, but I always cook. 

So here are my "tools of the trade" to make my cooking experience the best it can be each day...



We have here, three essential items for creating a great meal.

1. Super sharp knife. The bf sharpened this ages ago, then wiped it on his shorts to get rid of the 'sharpen dust'. he had the angle wrong and now has a pair of shirts with a slice on his upper thigh, that perfectly exposes a 6cm long, 1cm wide scar.  That wasn't a good cooking day, but the knife is still super sharp.

2. Fresh herbs: essential ingredients for every meal. 

3. Champagne



The picture also shows a two other things I love: My beautiful Cat, and my kitchen bookshelf that houses my collection of Recipe books. I rarely cook to a recipe, but they are great for inspiration.

This photo features one "tool" and two important atmospheric conditions to maximise the kitcheny comfortability.

1. Spice Rack.
2. Fresh Flowers (I buy the ones that have been discounted at the supermarket that are on their way out, but for $3 a bunch you still get a good few days of flowery goodness.
3. Open window, with a view into the trees and sound of the birds and crickets coming through.



And finally, my kitchen utensils, represented here by The Wok containing tonights meal "Super vegie-packed Chow Mein" (refer to sub note #1).

The Wok is not my most frequently used, but still a great addition to my pot, pan and "cooking helper" (refer to sub-note #2) collection. It was a gift, from the bf's best friends mum. I think she figured her son eats here more often that he does at home, so she wanted to make sure he was still "looking after himself".

Sub-note #1: Super vegie-packed Chow Mein is another one of my awesome meals that gets great feedback and is highly requested among my frequent house eaters, just like my best-ever chicken pie. Show me some comment love and I just might post the recipe...

Sub-note #2: Said bf's best friend was asked to help me come up with the collective noun for kitchen tools, such as the rice cooker, slow cooker, electric fry pan, jaffle maker etc. His reply was:
"um, a girl friend?"

So join in with your tools of the trade here. Toni is my favourite blogger, and she deserves lots of comment love....

Keeping up with the Nemesis

Okay that's enough of my long-winded self indulgent posts for a few days... I'll get to the juicy gossip I know you are all dying to hear....

What going on with the Blog-Soapie Star?

Well, she is still overseas, still blogging and still making me jealous...

Her wedding is apparently still a few months away, but she has everything ready except the rings and is not stressed at all. They have spared no expense, and from the sounds of it, the wedding and the plans for the weeks before and after will be even more exotic and romantic than I could ever imagine. 

She has applied for residency in her fiances country of origin, and has been granted permanent residency, including full work rights, access to free study, and financial assistance for the duration of her course. Imagine that! Back to University in your 30's, free of charge, with bonus tax payer dollars to help keep you fed and watered.

Career wise she has taken a few twists and turns. She juggled the 'hostess' role at the very famous rich man's club with nannying for a brat for a few weeks, then decided to find a less bratty charge. She ended up with the most adorable little girl and parents that were filthy rich and extremely easy going. She spent her days taking the girl to cafe's for babycino and cake, lazing in parks and strolling the city streets that the high society types call home. So enjoyable she left the hostessing job, and took up several new hobbies to keep her mind active after playing all day. From memory, it was Belly-dancing, Swedish Language, Burlesque dancing and that yoga you do in a really hot room.

She also landed a directors assistant role in low budget independent film, and when they realised the extent of her talents, was also assigned to set design and given a speaking extra role.

There was one blow to her ego just before Christmas. She applied to a new reality TV show where they take ordinary girls and make-over certain aspects of their lives that need a boost. Career, health, love-life, fashion sense, that sort of thing. She was shortlisted all the way through the interviews and psych tests. She was even taken along to a weekend retreat so they could make the final decisions on who would start shooting. Only two girls missed out after that weekend away, and my nemesis was one of them. Apparently her particular circumstances were too different to the majority of the other girls, so her story would have been out of place in the context of the show.  I must say, as charismatic as she is on TV, if any aspect of her life was considered to be in need of a re-vamp, what hope would there be for rest of us? They made a wise decision, and as a result the mental health of women around the world is spared from the torture of comparison.

But this is the Blog-Soapie Star, remember, she has some kind of power over the world that makes it so every setback is followed quickly by an incredible opportunity. She got a new job, very highly paid, but his time its not my particular cup of tea. I'm more curious than jealous. She now works for a very well known multi-national coproration who are about to open an exclusive high rollers club. This particular corporation has made one very man very rich and lots of men very happy through what some would call 'objectification' of the fairer sex. She will be very scantily dressed, and her main responsibility is to make sure the (all male) guest list are entertained with witty conversation and plenty of eye candy on their big night out. To learn the correct techniques in ego-boosting and eyelash batting, she will be given two months paid training.

And she couldn't be more thrilled.

Maybe if I had her killer body and motivation to tweeze my eyebrows more than twice yearly, that kind of work would appeal to me too, but to be quite honest, who could be bothered! Still, it is an impressive achievement given the scale of her competition, and the very thorough and lengthy selection process, and the tips will apparently be HUGE.

I just wonder what she will tell her Grandma....

Sunday Selections....

This post is part of Sunday Selections, hosted by Kim at https://frogpondsrock.com/
Kim says: "I take a lot of photos and most of them are just sitting around in folders on my desktop not doing anything. I thought that a dedicated post once a week would be a good way to share some of these photos that otherwise wouldn’t be seen by anyone other than me."

Me too, Kim, me too.

This week I'm posting a few of my all time favourites.

I'm under the impression that watermarking will mean they star my property... will someone please let me know if I'm mistaken?

If you cast your mind back to one of my very first posts, "I'm not jealous, what a shock!", I wrote about my adventures on one of my early winter morning walks with my camera.   These photos were taken around that time, not sure if it was that exact day, but for all intents and purposes lets just pretend it was...





My front yard... if you get up early enough you can catch the local mob of roos grazing near the dam.





My all time favourite. I spent at least an hour trying different settings and angles, and got some really good close ups of the wing patterns and dew drops on the fence. This one isn't the best technically, but I love how it looks more like a fairy than a dragonfly...



This image is great to play with, even with my crappy Image Editor program from the 90's. You can get so many different effects by changing the colour saturations and contrast etc. A 'farm' shot becomes a cityscape, and the trees turn into skyscrapers with neon signs.






This photo was definitely taken on the day of the Shock post, because it was the only day I took my camera all the way to the creek. I took a few shots of trees and stuff and noticed the crossed rails in one of them. Accidentally art is always the most satisfying.


Thats all for now folks, I have a whole week to plan my next release :)

I'm grateful for.... today

This post is part of Maxabella's "I'm Grateful for..." linky thing that can be found here:

http://maxabellaloves.blogspot.com/

I'm grateful for...

.... the family owned pizza shop that delivers real Italian style pizzas all the way out to my house 25 minutes after you order without needing a ten minute detailed explanation of how to find us.

.... weekends. In particular this one. I have no plans and no need to leave my living room, let alone my house. I've spent the whole day exploring the blogosphere and I'm finding lots of lovely new blogs to follow, and lots of great linky theme thingies to join.

..... Maxabella's "I'm Grateful For..." button. (Its down a bit on the right.) I love it, so pretty!

..... great blog posts. Earlier today I stumbled across an really old post on Gratitude. Cindy C at Rollercoaster wrote it in July last year. It seems she has stopped blogging since, and I hope everything is fine. Wherever she is, I'm grateful to her for this post. I found it really inspiring and think it deserves some belated PR.

http://cindyc-rollercoaster.blogspot.com/2010_06_01_archive.html

See you all tomorrow for Sunday Selections :)

Thursday theme - Art Attack

Another great group post idea, this time from Toni (who, might I say is one of my longest and most loyal followers, who never fails to bring the comment love) on her blog "Chick Chat"

Here's her post, join in and share the fun.
http://chickchat-toni.blogspot.com/2011/02/thursday-themes.html

If you're too late for this weeks theme but love the idea, be like me and post any way! As long as you link it to Toni I'm sure she wont mind :) Or if you're a stickler for rules, Toni has already listed next weeks topic so you can get a head start: It will be "Tools of the trade".

But this week it's ART ATTACK! 
Photos of things in my home I consider to be 'Art'.
Awesome. Along with my various fake-tidy techniques, I also have some great Fake-Decorator techniques.  I also love 'stuff' and excuses to show it off.

* Once again, a little inspiration (fodder-theft) from another blogger and you can't shut me up!

So I just finished walking around the house taking photos of everything I love. I'm sure my present company thinks I've gone crazy, how do you explain taking 16 different photos of a pile of books to get the best lighting and angle?

Here are my faves:

1. My crystal collection, in a basket on a second hand (falling apart) table in my kitchen. (the opposite end to the dishes piles, slim chance of mould migration).


Why I love them: Some are rare and took ages to find, some are a dime a dozen, some are very good quality (expensive!), some of them are chipped and have big flaws and inclusions. I've learnt a little on each rocks physical make-up and how they are formed etc. Its interesting stuff, but I really collect them for what the hippy types call 'metaphysical' properties. I love to memorise these properties and most days I will select a rock to carry for the day based on its associated emotions/behaviours.

*** POSSIBLY UNNECESSARY RELIGIOUS DISCLAIMER: I am not a wiccan, pagan or any other label that is normally associated with "metaphysical" crystal use.  I don't think the rocks have magical powers, or personalities, and they certainly can't communicate with me psychicly. Yours might, mine don't. So I stick with what I know. Science and fact.  In case you want an explanation, here it is: 'Metaphysical' refers to an idea, doctrine or posited reality outside of human sense perception. Not magic or make-beleive, just outside of what we are able to perceive. The subconscious mind influences our mood and behavour, and it occurs 'outside of human sense perception'. The colour, shape and texture of anything, including rocks, can effect mood and behaviour. By choosing a rock for its sensory traits, the sensory info on colour shape and texture is sent to my subconscious, which then undertakes secret squirrel type activity I know nothing about. What I do know is that quite often during the day I find myself holding the crystal that was in my pocket, and I have no recollection of taking it out nor any idea how long I've been holding it.. I reckon thats something to do with the secret squirrell. You can also use the rocks as triggers for behaviour changes, which I think works in a similar way to mantras, positive thinking and visualisation techniques. Seeing the rock reminds you of why you chose it, which behavour it promotes that you want more or less of. I then check myself for said behaviours and modify accordingly. No magic, just the incredible power of the mind.


2. My bridles for my horses, hanging on a hook in my sunroom, which is also the main entrance to the house.  


One of these is new, and was bought for me to use in competition last time I was in a serious riding phases. It occured after the impulse purchase of a highly schooled, very good-looking, extremely tall horse by my parents. He was ridiculously cheap at a horse sale, supposedly because of the lack of feed during the drought, but I reckon the lady was terrified of him! As usual, I got too busy to get back into training regularly. The horse in question is now ridden by my mum for trail rides.

The second bridle is actually one of mum and dads better quality bridles, well used and quite likely needed by mum and dad at the moment. I don't think they know I have it, and I can't remember why its here. Maybe I should take it back....
Every now and then they catch my eye and remind me of how much I love riding. I still hang on to the hopes of competing again, but these days even a ten minute visit with my old pony is a savoured experience. I've had him for 25 years....


3. Postcards from Paris, blu-tacked to the spare room wall...




I love Paris and all things French. I always have. I was sure I would move their for a few years in my 20's, but the closest I came was a two day stay 6 years ago. It was everything I imagined it would be, maybe even better. I keep the postcards on the wall to make sure I remember how awesome it was, and keep a distant dream alive that one day I will live there for a year or two....

4. Piles of books and journals....



One of lifes simplest pleaseures is a new journal, especially the ones that can double as art work on display. I have plain note books scattered all through the house for easy reach when I get the writing urge, but I keep my prettiest on display in the lounge room. I get bored watching TV, and always need to be doing something else at the same time. Before I caught the writing bug, I tried knitting, crosswords, sudoku, and even playing Nintendo DS, but all of which get boring very quickly. Writing is without a doubt the best creative outlet and most satisfying way to spend my time. Even if I'm stressed about work, I find the best therapy is to write out procedure manuals or brainstorm new ideas.  But I struggle with fiction.... so my publishing dreams are limited to the overcrowded non-fiction market. Or maybe a talent scout will spot my blog amongst the rubble and I'll get offered some kind of contract where I get paid to plagurise other bloggers ideas and write complimentary posts on how insoiring they are.

Number 1 Favourite Journal : A gift from my mum, hidden under the Dalai Lama in the photo. It has a brown silk cover with sewn on shells in the shape of a flower as the main feature and lacy beadwork and sequins all over. Its a bit intimidating though, like only the best writing will do it justice.  I only write in it with pencil, just in case I ruin it with ink words that can't be taken back.

Number 2: A cheapo from a hippy shop, the one in the photo thats blue and green and has the string tie around it. It's made in nepal from all hand-made and recycled materials and is supposedly 'ethically produced' so no nepalese people are exploited. For $6 retail, I find it hard to beleive the nepalese saw more than 5c of that money, if any at all.


Well, I could go on, but I think thats enough for now.

Thanks Toni :) I had fun.

P. S. Can anyone help with my photo issues?
I upload my photos from my HTC direct to the Blogger ap, and they always appear with the strip of reflection under neath the shot (all except for the book photo that is, even though I did them all the same way.) I don't know why it comes up or how to stop it so any suggestions are welcome.

Sunday Selections

What a great day. Blogger Ap for my phone, 2 new followers and an excuse to post random photos every Sunday.
These ones are of some awesome weather I saw while travelling through inland NSW in January.
This post is part of Sunday Selections, hosted by Kim at https://frogpondsrock.com

Fake-Tidy: The new trend in interior design.

Absent again... 4 months this time! Appalling really.
More on where I’ve been another time, right now I’m inspired.

And it’s thanks to a blog I found in the new member list on Blog This (linky to the right).
Emma from Emma's Brain has written a great post on not doing housework, complete with photos of her top three half-arsed attempts to clean. (You know, shove the clothes in the wardrobe and quickly close the door type stuff.)  Check it out, but don't forget to come back here to receive my words of wisdom on the practice I like to call 'fake-tidying'.

http://emmasbrain.blogspot.com/

Oh great, your back. Thanks, now I can start my real post. Here's another title to make it seem more like a beginning:

FAKE-TIDY: TRIED AND TRUE TECHNIQUES TO HIDE YOUR LAZINESS

Fake-tidying is definitely one of my fortes.  I may even be the world's best (or should that be worst?). In a house of two Aquarian's it's actually suprising that we do anything at all. But in an effort to keep up appearances (and keep having guests) I've found many shortcuts through the years. Too many to fit into a comment on Emma's Brain, so I've written a whole post. Its a long one too, so bare with me.

Here’s a few of my best ideas (worst habits?):


WARDROBE WRANGLING:

Problem: Wardrobe door won’t close anymore, too many clothes shoved in. There’s also a big shoebox about halfway up that is stuck awkwardly on a fallen coat hanger and the coat hanger is clinging for dear life to the twisted strap of an old cocktail dress (I think its the dress I wore on NYE 1999, but I can’t be sure)

Said box and coat hanger are causing frequent avalanches and any attempt to remove either item could prove to be life threatening.

Solution? Move the bed to another room. I chose the lounge room, and now regularly experience the joys of watching TV, eating dinner and entertaining guests all from the comfort of my bed. My clothes are also much happier now they’re free range.



DODGING DIRTY DISHES: (contents may be offensive)

Problem: Dirty dishes pile spreads from the sink across both benches and has started to work it’s way onto the floor.
Solution? Now for this I have many, listed here in order of preference/frequency:

1. In the early days of the dirty dish cycle, there is relatively no offensive odours and by restacking the mess into neat piles, its possible to clear enough bench space to cook a meal. I then wash all the dishes I need to cook and serve, plus enough for the next night, and before you know it I’m back on the couch/bed enjoying a tasty meal. Resting is justified because the kitchen is in a slightly better state than before. That counts as housework right?

NOTE: Not really a suitable method if you have guests for dinner, but if its done every second night the kitchen remains operational. Plus, from here it’s possible to pass the kitchen off as tidy in next to time by following method 2.


2. A similar method to Emma’s follower Sarah, who hides the dirty dishes in the oven. Now my oven isn’t big enough for ALL my dirty dishes, but my cupboards are empty.... Wow, look at all that instant bench space!

NOTE: This is the preferred option when you have guests, however it’s best to ensure none of them try to help you cook or serve.... they probably shouldn’t even enter the kitchen.


3. For when method 1 and 2 have failed and you’re past the point of overshoot (no going back).

This would be a good time to point out that no-one has ever gotten sick from eating at my house, ever. And it’s really only gotten this bad a few times, honest.

*Key indicator that step two and three have failed*
You walk in the kitchen and something is smelling really funky....
*sniff* it’s not the bin.... *sniff* it’s not the fridge,.... OHHH, gross there it is, that green fuzzy stuff coming from that pile! Uuughhh, what is that? Last weeks Chicken Pie?

This level of filth is going to require careful planning to minimise the health risks and in some cases financial damage.
Rinsing and washing is no longer an option. The tiny chicken-pie spores are smarter than you think and will quite often take flight when they sense their impending doom.
It is also imperative that the pile does not get separated in any way.
No unstacking, no taking off lids, nothing. The smell that has only started to creep out the sides of the cluster will be a whole lot stronger upon contact with fresh air, and it will linger in the house for DAYS.

The stench from an advanced culture (when the spores evolve enough to build cities and form governments) can be so potent that it may even follow you to work (I suspect by this stage its an organised attack by the spores defence force,  deploying their teeny-tiny Weapons of Mass Destruction). Proceed with caution, we are yet to learn the extent of their powers.

The offending combination of crockery, cutlery and cookware must be removed from the house as one complete unit. Clear the path from the kitchen to the door, and remove all children, elderly and animals from the vicinity. Hold your breath, pick up the pile and don’t stop walking until you’re outside. If the contents of the filth are not valuable, throw them straight in the bin. Otherwise you will need to hose them down from a distance and see if anything is salvageable. (I still have one pile out back that no amount of hosing could clean, so I left it out to get some air, sun and rain. About a year ago.)


Still with me? Good, this ones my favourite...

RANDOM PILES OF HOUSEHOLD CRAP:

Problem: You want to tidy up but every shelf, bench and corner is cluttered with bits and pieces that have no real 'spot'. Things that you might need one day, but not in the foreseeable future. Like batteries that may or may not be flat, magazines that you might want to read again one day, old Internet modems, spare parts for the old fish tank, you know, crap.

Solution? (Now patent pending on this one, I’m sure its a money maker.)

Step 1. Find an empty box, crate or any form of receptacle. Size and shape is irrelevant.
Step 2. Fill it with the crap.
Step 3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 until all crap is adequately contained.
Step 4. Make yourself a cup of tea/coffee (or why not pour a glass of wine, this is hard work!)
Step 5. With your chosen beverage in hand, channel your interior designer and wander the house in search of good spot for a new table.
Step 6. Stack the boxes right were you would like your new table.
Step 7. Grab a bed sheet and throw it over the pile of boxes.

Voila! A new table!

Who needs Ikea? I have so many of these awesome tables that I’m down to a two sheet rotation on my bed.

My proudest monument stands taller than me and spreads pyramid-esque to a base of 2m x 1m. It has a solid foundation of good quality moving boxes, still waiting to be unpacked from when I moved in 2.5 years ago. Over the years, more boxes, a few bags and other odd items have been slipped quietly under the sheet and no-one is ever any wiser. I think my group certificates from 2009 are under there somewhere, too. I was in a rush that day.


So there you have my top three bad habits and household secrets exposed. And that's only the tip of the laziness iceberg. I feel so dirty..... ashamed even... but strangely liberated. Maybe Emma and I will be the catalyst for a new trend in acceptable household hygeine. The next Martha Stewarts...


Now for some comment love:
Will you use any of my techniques?
Have you ever done the similar?
Do you have other tips of your own?
Or perhaps you have your own household nightmare and would like my expert advice?
Any one want to come for dinner?

Royal Jealousy: A whole new shade of green...

I have always known that meeting a real life prince and having him fall hopelessly in love with me was a real possibility. After all, Prince William is close to my age, and he went to that boys campus of Geelong Grammer in the same year as an old friend of mine....

How was I to know that my Blog-Soapie-Star Nemesis and I are actually psychically connected, and all along the royal destiny is actually hers and I have just dreamt it by association.

That's right, her life just keeps getting better. She met a prince, AND HE HIT ON HER!.

But as we all know, my nemesis and I do not have much in common these days.  Apparently the dream has never crossed her mind. At the moment their eyes met, there was no fairy dust or sparkles, and she was content to play hard to get and leave the encounter as nothing but blog fodder. Okay, so it was Harry and not William, but seriously, he's the better pick of the two anyway. Being a Princess forever sounds a lot cuter and more youthful than 'Future Queen', and you get the best of royal life without the pressure. Plus Harry seems to have a lot more freedom in his choices, so Old Lizzy would be less likely to give you the Kate Middleton treatment. But Kate Middleton could be your new best friend!!!!! Oh the JOY!

***sigh***

I can't believe it. She told him she was engaged to be married, leaving him disappointed, but still openly admiring her wares and wiles in a way that remained respectable to her fiance...

WTF????

I don't care if you're engaged to our generations version of Fabio, John Holmes, JFK, James Dean, or freakin' Justin Bieber in 10  years time, there is no fathomable reason worthy enough to reject the advances of real life royalty.

Mind you, since our last catch up, she has changed jobs twice, and featured as an extra in two movies, one of which she had a 'feature' role as the object of desire in a bikini on a li-lo in a resort pool, and is heading to an exotic location in two months time for her dream wedding surrounded by throngs of international friends and family.

I cannot hide my jealousy this time round, or manipulate my words to sound less envious in any way shape or form. I am struggling to even be happy for her.

But I after this blog post, I resolve to swallow the lump of green stuck in my throat, or hack it up like the big dirty ugly loogie it is (sorry if you're eating). Either way, I will put it far from my mind, and bring my focus back to my own fortunes. I'm not royalty, and I'm not getting married in an exotic location, but I'm not doing too bad.

Right now, I am on an all expenses paid work trip, writing this from the sixth floor of a Melbourne Hotel, complete with views of the Yarra Valley. Sipping on sparkles and munching on some tasty sushi, the kind that's rolled in that caviar stuff.
And I have my own spunky bf waiting for me in a beautiful old (dirty) country farmhouse, where he is googling the ins and outs of hobby farming, and planning a golfing/winery visiting day for this weekend with friends.

Hmmmm, maybe I wouldn't drop everything for Harry......

Five weeks...

FIVE WEEKS! I've been gone five weeks.

I am tormented by this absence, but not because I’ve neglected my hoards of devoted readers.

My pity is only for myself, for this is not my first offense.

When my life is going smoothly, I get bored. I look for new ways to entertain myself, seeking passion and inspiration in the most abstract of pastimes. I poke and prod through endless whims and wants, and when I find something truly amusing, I immerse myself completely in its pursuit. I spare no expense and profess to the world that I have found my calling. I convince myself it’s what I have wanted to do all along. I am truly shocked when my enthusiasm is not reciprocated and scoff when my friends and family suggest its a passing phase.
But time after time they have been proven correct. When the real world gets busy again, or a new interest arises, I leave my last obsession by the wayside. Sometimes there is no reason for the abandonment, I simply tire of its merits, and crave the simplicity and peace of my once loathed monotonous existence. Whatever the reason, expensive equipment and half finished projects get cast aside, left like trash in the gutter to be swept away with the wind and rain, and never loved again.

Despite all previous failures to find my niche, my quest continued and led me to blogging. This time I was convinced and had sound proof to back my claims. Its the first hobby I have found that shows measurable results without having to wait too long or exert much physical energy. What most appeals is the instant gratification that comes when you hit ‘post’.
Not like gardening, where you toil for weeks only to lose the crop to pests. Or forget to water it.
And certainly not like the pursuit of Zen. My competitive streak ensured any attempt at deep meditation was continuously punctuated with thoughts on my progress compared to the other participants, and whether the master thought I had the most ‘natural talent’ of the group. Destined to fail at that one, but surely not at blogging.

For blogging is truly therapeutic.
To spill out words with no thought to plot, or limitations on content. The freedom to begin with just a thought, and no direction or goal.
From the moment of conception I am amazed. The thought becomes a sentence, and once on paper that sentence takes on a life of its own. The rhythmic flow of the letters appearing one by one draws me in, curious to see which words they will form. The outside world becomes a distant memory. The ink flows into paragraphs and pages until at last the scrape of the pen stops, and I awake from my trance.
Parts of myself previously unmet stare back at me, exposed and perfect in their raw state. The words are a reflection of my being at that very moment, tangible proof of my existence. I am left void of all thought, free from all burdens, but more of myself than before. Exuding sinful pride at my magnificent creation, and loving the wickedness.

But its not over. There is more work to be done. The ink must evolve if it is to become a blog. I must type.
As I pound at the keys the excitement builds. I challenge my fingers to find the keys faster and faster. A race between my hands and my eyes, but I am always the winner and the prize is glorious.
I can now begin the intricate dance of editing:

Cut, paste, rephrase, delete,

Elaborate, punctuate, rephrase,

Cut, elaborate, paste, delete.

Sometimes an entire day will pass, and I will not notice, intently focused on extracting every last drop of potential from these words, until....

Each finished post is a work of art, completely mine. Manipulated, stretched, crushed and floreated to my exact specifications, made only for my pleasure. I am my only critic, therefore every post is a masterpiece, a symphony of my soul.

The sensuality of this experience would surely keep me hooked on blogging, a burning desire to feel that way as often as possible for the rest of time. The joy of the journey overruling my innate laziness. Writing is not laborious, it is intrinsic.

Blogging is surely my niche. But alas, the challenge of life reared its ugly head once more, and I’m sorry to say I faltered. Five weeks between posts. I lost focus and forgot my blogs inherent impact on my well being at the first upheaval in my routine.

I feel like a fool. Like I found a restaurant at the end of my street serving ridiculously low-priced, delicious, nutritious and satisfying meals, sang its praises and introduced all my friends to its delights. Then I walked past it every day to eat McDonald's on my own.

Well I am sorry for what I have missed, but here in this post I have passed the first challenge. I will not regret my absence, nor will I see this as a setback. Nay, it is a victory. I have broken the mould of cast away fancies. I have blogged once more, and once more the fire courses through my veins, burning with bloggy desire.

Fear not dear reader, I will not abandon you again.

Happiness is.....

Sunny mornings on a day off..... Slow cooked Lamb shanks........ Good music..... An addictive novel.... My dog..... A clean house and tidy garden...... Our fish tank..... A wall full of holiday photo memories.....Coloured pencils...... Lime scented fragrant oil.....

A well earned promotion and a much needed payrise....... Giving great customer service just because you can..... Knowing enough about something to have a 'respected opinion'.... Finding success and enjoyment in an 'accidental' career....

Laughing with my bf at our own jokes..... Lunches with my family...... Documentaries.... Inspirational quotes.... Imagination.... Waking up after a vivid dream and feeling like you really lived that experience.....

Learning from mistakes....... Watching the people I love grow and change...... Wallowing in overwhelming sadness when you need to, knowing that it will pass...... Being free to shape my life any way I choose.....

Being truly grateful for my lot in life......

Knowing who I am and who I have the potential to be, and being excited.

I asked the bf what "happiness is" for him. He said knowing he has true friends that he can trust with anything and that the people that really know him think he is great just the way he is.

Being one of those people for him makes me happiest of all.

The Anti-Climax

I’m worried. I think I may have climaxed too soon.

‘Sustainable Sex’ was really quite popular, and combined with my listing on ‘Blog This’ as a recent member, my traffic flow increased dramatically, my followers jumped to 12 and overall I was feeling rather proud of myself. I started using words like intonation, irascible, and affliction in my everyday life. According to the bf I had become noticeably more big-headed than usual. On one particularly gloat-full day I was told to ‘blog off then, you blogging blogger’.

I didn’t care; it just gave me an excuse to turn my head back to the screen. 12 followers… how exciting. Another few days of endless click-fests finding out who they are and who they know.

But the thrill was short-lived. At some stage during the last week it’s all just become a bit too much for me. I started to fret over my next post, and as a result I’ve ended up with bloggers block. Every time I have tried to write I’ve found an excuse not to.

I never set out to be a funny blogger, but now that people have found me humorous I’m feeling the pressure. What if my next post is dull, and I *gulp* lose a follower!
I couldn’t even post the ’50 things’ list for the Blog This comp. It just didn’t feel it was good enough. So now I sit here with 4 unfinished posts… a 50 things list that will never be read, and two dead fish.

Meanwhile the Blog-Soapie-Star has made friends with the daughter of a very rich & famous man’s daughter and has yet another new career opportunity ahead of her… I guess I spoke too soon, she remains high on her pedestal, while I blog about not being able to blog.

And I didn’t win the Wanderlust Competition.

Woe is me.

Sustainable Sex, FINALLY!

(First and foremost, by sustainable I don't mean long-lasting. Let the record show for the bf's sake I have no complaints in that department.)

(Secondly, for any first time visitors, I don't normally post on sex... please read my other posts too)

Have you ever stumbled across something that just makes your day, week and year all at once because of its greatness?

A recent click fest landed me on Batcrap Crazy, where a button labelled Good Vibrations caught my eye. Hmmmm. Whats this now?

(Let it also be known that I don't usually scour the web for sex sites....I'd had a long weekend, house full of people, not much 'action'. My curiosity got the better of me.)

Quick glance over shoulder... no one in room... click.
Page loading... mouse hovering in the top right corner for quick getaway... phew. Its not a porn site. In fact, its a ‘mommy blog’, complete with cute monkeys in the header.

For a brief second I felt bitter disappointment that this Good Vibrations had nothing to do with the kind of vibrations I thought it did.... Oh wait, yes it does.
Alexis on Mom2mycrazy2 has reviewed an Aqua Rabbit and as a result has one to give away. Its one of those weird looking ones that confuses me because it has a cutesy name and looks like it's alive. Do I pat it and feed it first or is it okay to just take advantage like that? Does the bunny cry if you put him back in the box straight away? Does he want to have a tea party with the other toys in my house?
(I also felt a bit weird looking at sex toys on a mommy blog, but this mommy clearly knows how to get her ‘me’ time. The ‘Aqua Rabbit’ was apparently trialed by a ‘good friend’. Sure, that's about as believable as when the bf says he doesn’t watch porn.)

I figured it was my duty to try and win the rabbit to give him a good home, kind of like an RSPCA mission. I'd even let him play in the garden every now and then. I followed the instructions to enter and landed on the Good Vibes website.
Now I’m not a fan of shamelessly flogging products in blogs, nor am I writing this to win the competition, I’m not even sure I’m eligible being in Australia. What I found has changed my life.

Screw the bunny, I really truly found something amazing that I must share...

SUSTAINABLE SEX!
The Ecorotic™ Green Sex Toy range

Featuring wonders such as Vegan Condoms (plain or flavoured) which I assume are for those of you who eat your condoms after use(?), Rechargeable Vibrators, Organic Lubricants and Massage Oils, including something called ‘Vulva Balm’ (wtf?).
Fore the more adventurous hippy, you can purchase a 'Pony Harness' or some 'Cherry Bombin Restraints'. I have no idea what either of those are, but don't they sound like fun?

Now I know there are hundreds of you out there who have been abstaining in order to reduce your carbon emissions and I have found the answer. With or without a partner you can now get your rocks off guilt free!

So get out your plastic, ladies, and join me in lubing up to save the planet.

Giveaway:
http://mom2mycrazy2.blogspot.com/2010/06/adult-eyes-good-vibrations-giveaway.html

Have fun green friends :)

Best Ever Chicken Pie

Okay, you asked for it.
I have thought long and hard about this, and a big part of me wants to keep this recipe for myself. In case you haven't already figured, I like to be the best at things. Its an endearing trait, really. Competitive in the nicest possible way.
So here's my recipe, and to allow myself to continue to beleive I cook it the best, I'm deliberately making it a little 'vague'. A good cook will nut the rest out themselves, and do my chicken pie justice :)

In a pan, fry 2 of each of the following: 2 leeks, 2 onions, 2 carrots, 2 celery sticks and 2 chicken breasts. Flavour with herbs of your choice.
Make a roux with about 1tbs each of butter and flour. Add 150 ml each of hot milk and hot chicken stock and thicken. Stir in 150ml of double cream (thats right, double. Yum.)
Add the sauce to the pan and let the entire mix cool. make it into a pie with puff pastry and bake.

There it is. Not hard, not fancy, but sooooo good.

One hint, before serving check for runniness.... I cooked my first one for ages, I worried that it was overcooked but it was perfect. My second one was cooked for what should have been a more appropriate time, but it turned out too sloppy.

NEWSFLASH: My nemesis hasn't posted for 3 weeks.... I reckon she's seen how much better my blog is and stopped writing. What a pussy... she'd rather give up than be beaten. I'm absolutely sure it has nothing to do with her new life in her new country with her new job and new apartment etc

Disclaimer: By reading this you have agreed to follow my blog if you don't already, post comments and tell all your friends how wonderful I am for sharing this recipe...

Red Wine Lipstick

I’ve taken to drinking red wine from my Simpson’s glasses. They’re wide enough to let the wine breathe, sturdy enough to withstand any drunken smishes against walls and furniture, but most importantly they make me smile with their cartoon faces so any potential alcohol induced depressions are quickly assuaged with every sip (skull).

The fact that all my wine glasses are dirty and neither party in the house is willing or motivated enough to do the dishes is irrelevant. Simpsons cups are my choice of chalice...

Other fantastic things this week to make my red wine stained lips crack a smile...

Blog followers:
I commented on a worthy post and invited the writer to check out my blog. Three truly wonderous beings have subsequently commented on my blog, two have started to 'follow’ it and I now have a chance to make my mark on the ‘blogosphere’ in the company of talented souls and like minded intellects.

Sneezing Baby Panda:
Best you-tube clip ever. Laughed so much I cried. Showed the boy and we both laughed until we had pains in our tummies. We then watched it again, and again watched it the next day. My new high...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAcdvmnZ_GM
Just watched it again then to get the link... and woke the boyfriend from his snores with my donkey like fits of noise.

Better blogs:
I crush on the term “I crush on”. I discovered this terminology during my six hour long click fest through the sites of my new found cyber friends. I now crush on many bloggers, too many to keep up with on my reading list.... Clearly my dearest nemesis 'blog soapie star' has a lot to learn... alas, she is too busy living her awesome life to learn it. Only a matter of time before I take the title... *insert evil laugh here*

New fish:
The boyfriend and I bought new fish on Sunday, pretty ones that distract me from my writing. lucky I’m ang awesone typidt and can type while lookinf e;sewhere. In fact I 'n tupinf this wholw parafrafh gaxing into my fisj tak insteas of at my finder sor the screen. I love my fisj xp

SPOILER ALERT: Hate to excite you all or spoil a surprise, but the Best Ever Chicken Pie recipe will be posted within next week due to popular demand :)

I'm not jealous, what a shock.

My nemesis has moved countries again. She got the first job she applied for, then spent a few days exploring the city with her foreign boyfriend. They ate at fancy restaurants, saw all the main tourist attractions, rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous and had picnics in famous parks. They got to know their new neighbourhood and found a great street stall market right down the road. Apparently they also fell in love all over again.

I'm happy for her. Really, I am. I've put away my green contact lenses, because my last few days have also been fantastic...

I put in a great few days of work and although there is no one to give me any recognition, I left each day feeling quite proud of myself.

I cooked my first ever Chicken Pie, and the boyfriend declared it was the Best Chicken Pie Ever. He even let his mate have a taste as he arrived at the end of the meal, and the vote was unanimous. I must admit, it was a tasty pie.

But my definite highlight was my weekly solitary early morning walk through the paddocks to the creek with my camera. It was the second frost for the year. I didn't put on a coat and was freezing by the time I got to the gate, but the morning air was so clear and crisp and the birds were extra chirpy, so it was worth the icy fingers and nose.

I climbed through the fence with one electric wire and felt a rush of panic when I brushed it with my leg. No shock. It was turned off. What a beautiful morning.

I spent an hour at the creek, wandering up and down the banks, exploring fallen trees and taking the best shots I could to add to my collection of 300+ creek, tree and paddock photos that sit idle on my hard drive. By the time my camera ran out of batteries my pants and socks were covered in bindies and prickles and the my boots were filled with icy water. My footsteps had become audible sloshes. Damp feet, but still no damp spirits. Time to head home...

I felt no fear tackling the fence with the electric wire again. But as I stepped through....
the world shifted on its axis. I heard myself make the most bizarre noise, half way between a cows moo and a cat in a fight. The inside of my left thigh caught on fire. I felt my blood coursing through every individual artery, vein and capillary in my body. None of these things caused me any pain.

I stood still for what seemed like an eternity. My heart was still racing as I comprehended what had just happened. Every sense in my body was on high alert and every movement and thought was brilliantly exaggerated.

The buzz lasted all morning. So far every one I have told has stared at me as if I was in mild psychosis... and maybe I was. Maybe I still am... but what a rush!

I wonder how I'll feel when its time to cross the fence again next week. Or maybe I'll get the motivation to get out of bed at a ridiculous hour during the week, in search of the high again. Better than any other high I reckon... I've never heard of an "Electric Shock-aholic's Anonymous".

FYI... my blog has been read. I got up the courage to show the boyfriend and to my surprise he said it was okay. Best week ever.

So this blog thing is harder than I thought...

Okay. I was wondering what would be worse out of 'the embarrassment of people reading my blog' or 'having nothing interesting enough to get readers'. Right now, as far as I know, I have no readers, so its hard to tell....

Spent the last two days browsing other peoples blogs and trying to find out how to make people read mine. Still have no answers, and still have no readers. But I did find out a few things:

1. BABIES, BABIES and more BABIES.
If I see one more blog about a baby I will vomit. Not saying those blogs aren't good blogs, if you're a family member or if you're having a baby or if you're just into that kind of voyeurism. But I'm not.
The more of them I saw, the more jealous I got and the more I wanted to have my own babies so I would have something to write about.
I'm fairly sure the family, the boyfriend, the boyfriends family and the potential baby wouldn't appreciate 'blog fodder' as an acceptable reason to deliberately procreate.

2. WEIRD GADGETS
You can add things to your blog page to make them more interesting.
I have added a fishy thing to my page, kind of lame, but its fish, and this is the fish cave, so its there. Please tell me if there are better ones to add.

3. AWESOME BLOGS
Some people have great blogs, even better than my nemesis the 'blog-soapie-star'. These people have hundreds of followers, and they deserve them. I will list them here, once I find a way to direct traffic to my page by listing them. If you are reading this and you know how, please tell me.

4. HIT COUNTER
I've also heard of the 'hit counter', though I can't find it to add it. At least if I had a hit counter I could tell if no-one ever came to the site, or even worse, if people were reading and choosing to stay as far away as cyberspacely possible....

In the meantime, could the beings that control Cyberspace please send some readers my way... they don't have to stay, but it would be nice to get a comment, just to know my writing is not lost in the etherworld forever and ever.....

Hello Cyberspace!

I've finally done it. Spent an hour setting up a blog with no idea of what I'm going to write or how to write it. And I'm terrified at the two possible outcomes: rejection if no one reads it or embarrassment if people do.

So why am I blogging?
Competitiveness of course!

I follow the blog of an old acquaintance, and I have become addicted to it like a soap opera. I live vicariously through her wild parties, romantic liaisons and exotic career choices. I cry when her endeavours fail, pine when she's homesick and get angry when someone ticks her off.
I log on daily and get a buzz of excitement when I find a new post, or curse her name if she's been away from the keyboard too long. It helps to think of it as a soapie, because I'm horribly jealous and kicking myself for not living that life as well. She is on the opposite side of the world, and her life seems to be the complete opposite of mine.

Making an interesting blog must be so easy for her! She's travelling to the corners of the globe, meeting amazing people and doing her bit to make the world a better place... When you compare my life to that, what chance do I have of writing anything entertaining?
The odds appear to be stacked high against me, but I'm ready for the challenge. I'm working on the philosophy "if you can't join 'em, beat 'em". I can't pack up my life and travel, but I can do this writing thing, and

I will topple her from the heights of blog soapie stardom!

So, Cyberspace, or Dear Reader, if you have stumbled upon this page by accident, please make me feel welcome. Give me hints and tips, ask me questions about anything, or tell me to read your blog and we'll put up with each others boring lives just to say we each have a reader....

.......and may my computer be struck with an irreparable virus if my posts are truly awful.